It’s enough to make you cancel your reservation

And the world just keeps getting crazier! 😀

Post-weekend Poetry 047: Insincere by Sophie E Tallis

Post-weekend Poetry 047: Insincere by Sophie E Tallis.

Morgen Bailey has very kindly showcased one of my peotry pieces, ‘Insincere’, on her hugely successful website/blog http://morgenbailey.wordpress.com/! Yay!!!

A MASSIVE shout out and thank you to the erudite and simply astonishing Morgen Bailey, writer, interviewer and inspiration! 😀

Insincere

People thought I was being ‘Stevie Smith’, very angst and prone to drama.

If you’re old you’re ‘clinically depressed’…understandable really…all those wrinkles staring back, more years behind than in front, a slow decay of time and body.

If you’re ‘middle-aged’ you’re simply in a rut. “Snap out of it!” they say, you’re not the self-obsessed youth you used to be, no time for such indulgences.

If you’re young you just can’t win. The loudest voice in the room but nobody’s listening.

Insincerity drips off the young who have a predisposition for blue…My youth has flown away now, my student days a haze – melancholic writings to paraphrase.

But then as now, my blue is simply a part of me, not showy, not angst…quite healthy now actually.

No longer just wearing black, colour creeps and leaves its residue, a hue to match my mood.

So no, I’m not waving or drowning, not making a statement, not needing help, quite happy, contented, as much as I can be, not full of old rage and hated resentments. Moving on, moved on… nasty neighbours but nice place, like the view…not insincere, not pretentious…simply blue.

Sophie E Tallis © 2003

Funny Friday…Darwin may not be amused, but we are!

Well, my ‘Daily Hello’ has decidedly taken a more weekly turn.

So, it’s Friday. The chocolate excesses of Easter are over, though a scary amount of it lingers in my cupboard!

Spring has certainly sprung. Glorious drifts of daffodils, grape hyacinth and bluebells remind us of what a magical time of year this is.

But, for those of us still struggling under April showers, towering petrol prices, broken New Year resolutions (i.e. ruined diets) and a general gloomy economic climate…here is something that can’t fail to lighten your mood and put the funny in Friday!

…Behold, the glory of ‘The Darwin Awards’!

The  Darwin Awards are out!!!!

Yes, it’s that magical time of year again  when the Darwin Awards are bestowed,

honouring the least evolved among  us.

Here  is the glorious winner:

1. When his 38 calibre  revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach ,  California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire  wonder.. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it  worked.

And now, the honourable  mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland  lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around,  submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence  sent out one of its men to have a look for himself.. He tried the machine and he  also lost a finger.. The chef’s claim was approved.

3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to  clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle  to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot  her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal  bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed  to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his  incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting  there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital,  telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre  fantasies. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the  hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train.  When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply  trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was  hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K,  put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the  cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register,  which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and  fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from  the drawer… $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a  crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some  beer pretty badly.. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a  liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and  heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the  would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window  was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on  videotape….

8. As a female shopper exited a New York  convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911  immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the  snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in  the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and  told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, “Yes, officer,  that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from.”

9.. The Ann Arbor News crime column  reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M.,  flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he  couldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion  rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast… The man,  frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

10. When a man attempted to siphon  gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he  got much more than he bargained for.. Police arrived at the scene to find a very  sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman  said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his  siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the  vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever  had.

In the interest of bettering mankind,  please share these with friends and family….

Unless of course one of these individuals  by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend…

In that case, be glad they are distant and  hope they remain lost.

*** Remember…. They walk among us, they can reproduce***

Just SOOOOO funny! A HUGE thank you to Will for forwarding this to me.

Have a great weekend everyone! 😀

Insincere

People thought I was being ‘Stevie Smith’, very angst and prone to drama.

If you’re old you’re ‘clinically depressed’…understandable really…all those wrinkles staring back, more years behind than in front, a slow decay of time and body.

If you’re ‘middle-aged’ you’re simply in a rut. “Snap out of it!” they say, you’re not the self-obsessed youth you used to be, no time for such indulgences.

If you’re young you just can’t win. The loudest voice in the room but nobody’s listening.

Insincerity drips off the young who have a predisposition for blue…My youth has flown away now, my student days a haze – melancholic writings to paraphrase.

But then as now, my blue is simply a part of me, not showy, not angst…quite healthy now actually.

No longer just wearing black, colour creeps and leaves its residue, a hue to match my mood.

So no, I’m not waving or drowning, not making a statement, not needing help, quite happy, contented, as much as I can be, not full of old rage and hated resentments. Moving on, moved on… nasty neighbours but nice place, like the view…not insincere, not pretentious…simply blue.

Sophie E Tallis © 2003